relationships of convenience

The recent trend in South India seems to be a very disheartening one. I am not able to digest it or even convince myself that ,it is indeed the way relationships are treated now. Whether it is right or wrong is a matter of morality and propriety which I believe is archaiec in the present thinking. What I see is that people are not in touch with relatives just like that or enquire about their wellbeing either by phone or by a visit if and when they happen to be in that town. It used to be a normal thing many years ago . In our own paternal home relatives used to come unannounced and were welcome even at dead of night. I remember cooking up a quick meal when we had such guests. It wasnt thought of as a bore or drudgery or invasion of one's privacy. We were taught that one should be happy to have relatives visiting us. Feeding or entertaining the, engaging in pleasant conversation with them was  not a chore. Given that I had such a broadminded  and generous upbringing, it is now difficult for me to accept that one can just use people when the need arises. I would blush with shame and be very apologetic if I had to take up on a relative to stay at their place just because it was convenient for me. I would ask myself the question ."have I been in touch with them anytime in the past? "for me to seek a favour now? It is not wrong to seek help or favours. But one's conscience has to take a call before one indulges in this sort of thing.  One has to make an effort to contact people esp relatives, when one is in town, drop a line or two when one can, call on the phone just to exchange pleasantries and nurture that relationship. Whether it is friendship or relationship  the sam e rule of thumb is to be applied. I am reminded here of Portia's speech in The Merchant of Venice."it blesseth him that gives and him that takes"..she was referring to the quality of mercy.....
There is another side to this issue.Some people keep in touch all the time,or whever time permits, be of help just to ensure that relationships do not go awry, fray and to also keep them well bonded. For them all efforts are a means to ensure a happy laife always.It is a question of family unity, honour and being there when there is a need. They do expect affection and contact and bonhomie in return through out their life. I feel this is not wrong. Who knows what adjustments they have made in their domestic and marital lives to keep relationships intact , what efforts it has taken them to preserve the family bonds? I have known cases when people have just used their kindness and goodness and left them after they have fulfilled their needs. According to me both are wrong.  It may not even be worth investing in people at some time because when selfishness surfaces, it wrenches the heart of the one who made the sacriifce and makes it seem so meaningless. Else one should be so noble that he /she is able to do it all in the bhagawad gita way..without expectations. Its fine and dandy to wish it. Mere mortals like me will find it difficult.
IN the present scenario.I accept that when people just barge in it would be inconvenient because of logistic constaraints...small houses, flats, official duties, working routine etvc etc. One can call and make sure that it is convenient to visit or stay. That should be done now because peolle are likely to be away or have other plans too. Still , where there is a will to stay in touch, there is a way.
The conclusion I draw is ,dont impose on people when you havent cared  for earlier and do impose on people by being in regular touch, be it by a post card or a phone call or an email or a line on facebook...there are so many options today...use them to advantage so that you dont have to feel sheepish or sorry ( some people are shameless..leave them alone!!)when you do need to ask a favour. The noblest are the ones who care, share and feel obliged and thankful for small mercies and timely help at all times....Here's to a nobler world, esp when there is corruption all over..let us not corrupt our minds and souls..

home and job..the balancing act

My conversation with my daughter  this morning  made me see the profoundity of the truth that women generally , world over are the ones to make all the adjustments and ironically enough never to be given the credit for all their sacrifices and  compromises.I am talking about how ladies have to balance their careers and their domestic duties so other one does not encroach on the other  or that one doesn't suffer because of the other. Now that is a difficult thing to do, daily! I would say that women are naturally inclined to and endowed with the patience, selflessness and stamina to ensure that they take a career and also manage their homes reasonably well. There may be slipups and hiccups in either once in a way.My husband would cry shameand say that women turn on their tear -tap before their bosses and get away with doing less work at office or enjoy greater priveleges like short ;eave etc etc because they are mothers, wives, sister etc etc...
It is rarely that men are willing to give credit to a woman who keeps a meticulously organised home, a scrupulously clean house and a clock-work precision in getting daily chores done around the house. All household chores, however monotonous or boring or repetitive have to be done daily and without giving excuses, even if mylady is ill or indisposed. Else the house will crumble. When it is done like that it is taken for granted andshe has evenraised her own bar and built up expectations of others!!!!!Men are quick to find fault whensomething is left undone. Try giving the man the charge of domestic chores for a day or two..He will flee before yuou know. Women are rarely shoddy or careless., They are more conscientious about finances, health and happiness in the family. There may be a few exceptions to this ofcourse.
At the work place women can be entrusted to with very serious and demanding jobs because  they are rnot often distracted when working, tend to sit in one place and do a concentrated job. Men would like to take a walk, a puff, a tea etc more often then women. They may argue that they are more intelligent and can do the same job in lesser time. Some even may. But we are talking in general terms. When it comes to staying late at office to finsh a work, men are better off. Ladies have to rush to pick up their kids from school/creche/ grandparents' home . do errands. get grocery and keep a calm and xmiling face ready to greet the hubby when he arrives at the front door!She may even be very tired and would be grateful for help from him. Many days that is not possible and doesn't happen. I can give him the credit for being the prime bread winner. but even so, the innumerable work that the lady does besides going out to work more than offsets that advantage a man has. Why does a lady work? She is never given credit or appreciationwhen she tirelessly does domestic chores. Therefore she has to find fulfilment in working outside as well. That is doing double shift. In no way does it minimise her role at home.. The point I am trying to drive home is that, if only a man took household work seriously and began to think that it was worthwhile and that the lady is doing  agreat service by keeping home and looking after him and his kids, then this balancing act can be avoided. I would reccommend that ladies stay at home and enjoy domestic bliss(?????) until children are old enough to take care fo themselves and then go for a career. For that employment opportunities must exist for a middleaged woman. It is happening in the UK and USA. Why not here? In one sense ,scurrying off to work immediately after marriage will never strengthen bonds of the couple and the travails will mount once a baby is born. The it will be a war of words as to how much each of them will do at home...The whole scenario seems to be unhealthy to me. Before I sign off, I appeal to men all around to appreciate their wives for all she does and reckon her contribution as paramount to the well being of the family....healthwise and wealthwise, emotionally and physically...Here's to  a better understanding of women and their contribution, compromises and hardwork

job and home ..the balancing act

While speaking to my daughter this morning, I am distressed to find that indeed women have to take a back seat where career is concerned. the obvious reason for this is the concern for the family..kids, husband  and home logistics. There is no option given to ho,e-loving women but this. In a way, there is some justice also in this arrangement. Women are more adept at balancing home and office, children and career , family and job.There are more naturally inclined to look after the needs of the family members and more intuitive when it comes to solving problems on the domestic front without riffling many feathers. Let's give the woman her due,..comeon and be sportive you men , who are mostly single tracked and are as blind as a horse with a bit..Ladies do multitasking with ease and panache..Whether it is taking on school homework or craftwork or project work, be it solving a maid problem, or taking pa in law to the doc or doing jobs handed down by dear hubby for sheer lack of time, making sure utility bills all go thru, or that there is enough grocery to last the week. m women take all these chores as part of their routine and do them so effortlessly and with so little noise, they ironically go unnoticed and unsung...It is only when there is a slight letup somewhere, when she is hauled up for shoddy, careless, disorganised work!!!
The job front is no less demanding. Afterall no employer pays you without extracting his pound of flesh. There is no free lunch as the Americans say and its true.

music.. a boon, a gift from God

This afternoon we were watching a programme on television where a musician who had dedicated 75 years of his life to music was being feted , celebrated and felicitated. along with him was another stalwart and also a grandold man of film music who the two others regarded their Guru. Even singing for 60 yesrs of one's life is a feat big enough but imagine composing and making music and doing nothing else for 75+ years. On the dias was a singiner of yester years who now is 88 and another who is 80 and an actor who would easily be 85. It was a sight that one sees once in a lifetime. I was so proud of the Channel that arranged this function and also telecast it for music lovers like me to watch at home on the telly.
The point I want to stress emerges from what the grandold musician said in his felicitation of the celebrity music composers...M.S. Viswanathan and Ramamurthy.. The grandold man was Dakshinamurthy swami. P.Susheela, TMS  were there too.. Therewas a crop of track singers who sang the golden old melodies and brought back nostalgia! Dakshinamurthy sswami said that one has to be very very blessed to be able to anyhthing to do with music. Music is like a boon one gets after one crore japams, It is even then only daanam. One crore dhaanams give s one 1 layam and a crore layams yields gaanam or song or music in general.Therefore gaanam is the most precious gift  one can get from Goddess Saraswathi , the Muse of Music. It is then that I realised I am also one of those blessed by the Goddess and how many janmaas of good I should have done to have music in me. Appreciating music or having a musical ear is also a boon. All these are I believe paths that lead to divinity and if we are wise enoug to put these talents to proper and good use we can reach Him faster...My family is very musical and we have been initiated into good music, be it classical or filmi, at a very early age by our parents, both of whom sing , have mellifluous voices and play an instrument or two.. My sisters are gifted too. So is my daughter. Right down to my cute little granddaughter we are blessed to be musical.. Some of us are in music groups too..We exchange notes on music and listen to rare and melodious songs posted by members of this wonderful group.
I used to think that in my next birth(janma) I should be able to sing like Lataji or Susheelaji. Now I dont entertain any such illusions or dreams. Even now i can try and perfect the songs they have sung and which I love. To be able so sing for oneself and for God Himself is satisfaction enough.Music is the food of love. It uplifts a sad and lonely heart. It relieves boredom or ennui. It helps to bring out one's joy when one is happy...like they say..sing like the lark...Music can bring your devotion out. Bhajans serve this purpose. What can I say? I can go on and on about music...Suffice it to say that we would all be poorest not when we do not have money pr material wealth, but when we are boors that cant understand, appreciate music or be able to sing.....bye for now  with a tra la la la la....

the rocky mountains

Just yesterday I got to travel again to Gingee, a town near Tiruvannamalai on the tindivanam-tiruvannamalai road. I was amazed to see some fantastic rock formations on the mountains there. gingee is famous for the erstwhile historical ruler Raja Deysingh and its Fort.. The Fort is atop the samall mountain ranges which are really by the wayside.  I wondered how they built those long walls circumbulating the mountain and protecting the fortress and small palaces atop the hill. The mountain was a sheer drop and all smooth on the sides. It was almost as if a pestle had been stood up and atop it something constructed. ,,somewhat like  Shiva LingamMy driver told me that there is a path on the side which wasnt visible from the road..there had got to be some steps or least a path for palanquin -bearers to carry their royal highnesses to safety in times of war or battles..!!!
The more intersting thing I want to describe here is the kind of mountains I saw there. The mountain ranges we normally see are all gargantuan boulders or chunks of granite in a neverending strean rolling one over another. We also see twisted rocks and striped lengthwise rocks formed as a result of cooled molten lava after a volcanic eruption. In such cases the lava in its flow downhill, burns all the trees and the trunks along with the molten flowing silica gets petrified as fossills.and these are what we see as the elongated striped rocks or granites.the other rocks just get cooled as big chunks and they are what we see as mountains. Because it is fertile after an eruption lots of trees take root and we have huge trees growing out of rocks all the way down the mountain
Now this is the common sight. what i saw was a mountain,  nay a row of mounatins made up of stacked boulders of rocks, not very big but in all shapes and sizes. How was it standing there  all these years is my puzzle!Looks to me small pieces..each a ton or two in weight must have been thrown up when the volcano spewed lava and fire and they must have landed one on top of another like the sweets we see arranged in a sweetshop! there are no trees grownig on these rocks and its an amazing and spectacular sight, the like of which   havent seen elsewhere. Nearby is Tiruvannamalai which is the Agni Sthal ..one of the pancha bootha sthals..and I think the best explanation would be  that it must have been a cauldron of fire milleniums ago and the mountains must have cooled off now. But even today it is the hottest place in tamil Nadu and temperatures soar to 104 or 105 degrees in summer. There is no volcano anywhere nearby now..But this could be the most possible or plausible explanation. The sight of these mountains is breathtaking and i wish I had taken a picture or two..maybe next time i go that side I will shoot a few pics...All I can now chant is Shiva shiva...and believe that it is HIS way of saying HE is still there.

rocky mountains

This morning as we were driving towards Gingee(famous for its fort and the ruler..Desingh Raja..) I was amazed to see some peculiar rock formations. What we normally see are small hilllocks or mountain ranges that have been formed after volcanic lava flows cool down along with all the burnt and fossilled tree truncks that the molten lava burns and chars on its way down hill.The shape is usually twisted forms of rocks and lengthwise striped rocks..ie the tree trunk fossills which have been petrified.What I saw now was a stunning sight of rocks of various sizes and shapes mostly oblong, round or elliptical,,,,, small medium and small sized, stacked one on top of the other, not with precision like the pyramids but casually thrown or heaped as it were by the ferocious po

kasi yatra

this blog again is inspired by a casual conversation with my neighbour mami, who asked me today about kasi yatra, since she knew that we had gone on this pilgrimage a couple of years ago. She wanted to know how arduous it would be and what is the rigour or scheme to be followed. I told her that before embarking on a kashi yarta, one has to go to rameswaram , do pooja there, do shraadh, take a dip in the sea, and worship at the sethu madhav sanctum of rameswaram temple, take the mud of the shiv ling for which you performed pooja and then get ready for the Kashi yatra. In kasi , one has to do all the pitru poojas, go to triveni sangam where we not only collect the holy ganges water, but also do veni daan, immerse the sand from Rameswaram and worship at the veni madhav temple. From there it is mandatory to go to gaya and do shraadh, worship at akshay vata, give up something one likes and then return to Kashi. after return to base camp, the pilgrim has to retun to do abhishekam for ramanatha swamy with the holy ganges water and perform sumangali pooja. Only after this is the circle complete. On hearing this mami was quite daunted with the prospect because mama is quite old and she had her apprehensions about his endurance of the trip and all the attended rituals. I assuaged her doubts and told her that people older go to Kashi and they do get the strength to do this and do come back fresh and stronger..She then asked me.."is it necessary to go as far as kashi  to wash off your sins or will one dip in the Ganges wash them off.?" " Is it not enough to be just good?"That is a debatable point. Nothing prevents anyone being or doing good all their lives. But have we been so? Will we be so in future?The Kashi trip makes us realise a lot of truths. which will surely shake off at a little of our evil thoughts or deter us when we contemplate bad deeds. thats for sure, My experience is tah it ennobles you to some extent. One really appreciates one's mother a lot more after a kashi yatra.because of some sights we see there and also because one sraddam is exclusively for the mother who gave birth to you.Her virtues are extolled as you place one pindam after another...This ritual is soul stirring and heart wrenching.. Whether mami and mama go on a kashi yatra is their decision but the  spiritual good that comes after it are unmatched according to me...Muslims go to Mecca, Christians to Jerusalem and Hindus to Kashi..why?....to feed their souls...Do some soul searching on this, who ever reads this...Ganga ma ki Jai, Kashi Viswanatha and Vishalakshi ko mere hazzaar hazaar pranaam.

Rainy season

Today,June 1st. is the day that the monsoon usually sets over Kerala. But with global warming spreading so alarmingly fast all over the world, there is no denying the fact that the seasons have changed lately. It has snowed in london the past 2 years, ...it rarely snowed there all these past years....the glaciers are melting fast and the mountain water fed rivers are drying up quickly. A study has put fear into our minds when they found that the ganges may even dry up sooner than we know or can comprehend. Likewise, rains set into Tamil Nadu usually only after there is a depression off the Bay of Bengal coast or In November, when the North west monsoon comes to India. It came as a surprise when there was a downpour here in Madras today.It was a weloome shower and it has brought the heat down a little. I also had the goodfortune of experiencing a torrential thunderstorm yesterday near Thiruvannamalai and Thirukoilur. both very dry and hot areas of our state.The rains were so heavy that each droplet of water was like a huge bubble and the sheet of rainwater like a thick curtain cpovering the entire area. to compound our misery there was a power outage and it was pitch dark. we were inside a temple worshipping. The priest warned us to stay inside and not under the temple gopuram tower as it was hazardous when lighting struck the earth. The rest was protected against lightning by an arrester.
Rains are necessary and without them we would satve for water, Rainwater fills lakes, reservoirs, naturally water the fiels\ds and the earth. Ground water table risess with the momsoon rains.The whole place becomes green and wet and is a beautiful sight indded, Thats what i call "cool".I lived in Bombay last year and saw how mumbaikars and maharashtrians celebratethe monsoon and welcome the rains.People are out on the streets just to get wet and get soaked in rainwater, the natural shower.There are lots of songs about the rains..shraavannatha ghana nila is one scintillating piece sung in lataji's divine voice. People travel to the sahayadri hills, resorts to see the waterfalls, go trekking in the mountains and generally enjoy the rain.
Coming to the rainforests of the tropics, we see nature at its bountiful best. : lush, green, thick green foliage and lots of gurgling streams,mighty rivers and dangerous animals and colourful birds, all serenading the drizzling rain.
Kerala is famous for its heavy rains and the keralite is aptly caricatured with an umbrella tucked under his armpit.Chirrapunji in Assam is the place which has the highest %of rainfall ayear  and Rajasthan the state with the lowest rainfall. India has all these places in it. What diversity!
This blog is written to highlight the importance of nature.We should also be aware of nature's fury.Like anything in excess is poisonous, too much rain can result in floods and  the fury of ferocious waters can hardly be controlled by human beings,sometimes even with best technology...lets enjoy rain as long as it is pleasurable, let us save the water ..let us also be prepared for flash floods and torrential downpours..Let us not say..rain rain go away, come again another day, little jhonny wants to play....paly in the rain, get wet, but go home and dry yourself and apply a mentholated balm too lest you catch a cold... 

housing plots

Housing plots    :A sight that has set me thinking  as we drove along the highway  is the mushrooming of housing plots by the wayside. The promoters of such schemes tout the anticipated value and development of the areas they advertise for sale ,as the best bet to beat inflation and to realize one’s dream of owning a piece of property somewhere. I saw many such layouts , replete with multi coloured flags fluttering on the poles that carried them, and carefully and neatly marked out plots with boundaries in place. The name boards scream the name of some God or Goddess or someother very pleasing name, like Prince Charles Nagar!!!!Coming to think of the feasibility of managing such a property is another question altogether. The promoter will arrange a van to pick the prospective buyer from his house, show him the land and explain the pluses to him, downplay the minuses and somehow try and sales talk him into buying one plot.. After the deed is executed, it remains to be seen if the promoter will show any interest at all. Besides the buyer may or may not consider the worthwhileness or feasibility of building a house there. As far as I have seen, some of these properties are located in some bye pass road or offshoots of the main road and even getting there may be a problem , let alone build and house and stay there. The basic infrastructure is missing and one will have to wait for years before he can think of occupying the property.. We are not even sure whether that land is earmarked for housing or for cultivation. Often agricultural land is bought and then marked out cleverly into plots and it is often the buyer’s headache to verify whether it can be used to build a house. Or whether it is an industrial area Then we come to things like water, power availibility, nearness to market, busstop, school etc etc.

There are also stories of flats and apartments which are constructed in far away moffusil areas but where the seller boasts of  full furnishing, piped in gas and cable and internet- ready wiring, but underplays the fact that it is really far away. The best known and most popular celebrities are roped in the host the offer. You all know how vulnerable we all are to anything vouched for by celebrities and film folk. I am reminded here of some properties sold in the yesteryears by the same gimmick and also some cultural societies which roped in memberships by similar tricks and subtle cheating.

The point I wish to make here is that we ourselves are solely to  blame if we make a wrong decision or choice. We should never forfeit our commonsense or our knowledge, judgment   and sound advice from elders who have experience and astute commonsense..